The Heart Needs No Explanation

The heart needs no explanation.

Leaving the Creative Space Centre has proved remarkably hassle free. From a seed of an idea in November we actually vacated the premises on New Years Eve. The only aspect I have found stressful is explaining the decision. Not just explaining it to others but also to myself.

Explaining myself has always been a stressor. It may go back to an incident with a headmaster shouting "Ayling explain yourself boy...". In my mind I had simply been observing one of his own pointless and petty rules. What answer could I possibly give that would satisfy him and thereby avoid punishment?

Explaining myself meant satisfying his version of an acceptable reality. Explanations work best if they support the consensus world view and lead to an understanding which eventually affords some measure of control.

I remember quitting a job at Merrill Lynch. I had only been there eight months and knew my boss well. It took two days to leave as we sat in an office with him trying to understand my decision. He needed to know so that he could change my mind or change something within the dealing room. My decision wasn't based on money, title, conditions or anything which made sense to his world.

All I could say was that I knew I had to leave but didn't really know why. There is no punchline which subsequently made sense of my decision. I wasn't vindicated in anyway and still can't assess whether it was a good decision or not. I just KNEW I had to leave.

What I do know is those two days attempting to explain myself were very stressful indeed. It is interesting how many decisions I have made on the basis of being able to explain them to other people. Breaking other people's rules or expectations or challenging their version of reality is not necessarily the fastest way to popularity! As I've got better at it my Christmas card list has shrunk rapidly.

I now find myself entering a harder stage of the explanation game. To what extent can I break my own rules or expectations or challenge my own version of reality? Can I move beyond externalising this stress and own the fact that the only one really judging my actions or requiring explanation is me? I will never really know others' perception of me and all I ever see is my idea of what they think and feel. Everyone in my reality is simply showing me my own world view. 

The headmaster was showing me my innate need to follow rules however illogical. If I could see the rules as pointless and petty why was following them. It wasn't the headmaster telling me off. It was me! My Merrill Lynch boss was demonstrating my innate sense that there was something more rewarding beyond the obvious. It wasn't he that didn't understand my decision. It was me! In both cases it was my world view being reflected back through characters I had, at some level, created. 

The decision to leave the Centre is not part of a greater plan or attempt or shape my reality in any particular direction.  If anything, I feel the decision simply creates space. As with all decisions there is no way to assess its validity, it simply represents a different attention point in the universe and as a result I am suddenly in a different universe to the one resulting from the opposite choice. There is no way to assess whether its a better universe than the other one and this removes the stress from the decision.

Explanations are a feature of third dimensional life. The third dimension is characterised by conditionality and cause and effect and within that environment every choice is a calculation, and the calculation inevitably comes back to the common denominator in the third dimension....survival. However survival is measured, be it money, friends, recognition, success, the calculation is the same. Will it improve my chances of survival? 

Third dimensional reality is loosening its grip and with it our need for justification and judgement will fade. That sense of just knowing something is the experience of resonance and that is the domain of the heart. I have described the heart in the past as our truth resonator and this will become our decision making centre. The mind can relax and become the brilliant information processor it was designed to be. We will leave the decision making to the heart from now on, and the heart needs no explanation.

So if you find yourself drawn to choices that are difficult to explain, just remember that no explanation is necessary.

With love

Bill